Simmer Down

My mind is poisoning me
Ripping me down to my knees
I’m acting like I didn’t bleed
Telling me I shouldn’t concede

I can barely breathe
all this anger in me

I silently sit here and choke
NO I don’t think it’s a joke
I told you before I was broke
Sitting here sucking in smoke

I can’t unclech my fists
I’m fighting hard to resist
But What the hell did I do
I’m always ok but Are you?

I may lose control of this plane
Will you see through all this pain
Stop the bleed in my vein
Can you love me without the distain

Time to simmer it down
And stop burning shit to the ground


Uncomplicating Complications

Well, this is a first. I think I lost my reverse. I’ve ran – I’ve hid. I have been really good at shutting the lid. My typical reaction has been – to call out every infraction. To put it all under a microscope – But here I am -with a stethoscope. Listening- to a beating – not bleeding – heart. The ease of everything from the start. The slow, the steady…The tender ache of – I’m ready. I was done – I had built these walls of stone. Wanting nothing – but to be alone.  Moats surrounded my castle gates – Protection from all the manic states. It was pure friendship I was after – Didn’t expect to be filled with joy and laughter. Didn’t expect to catch such feelings – As my heart – my breath -so easily you’re stealing. You are uncomplicating my complications and breaking all my calculations. There is no catch in my train of thought. No – not even a stutter of the heart. No impeding feelings of trains derailing – The only fear I have is failing.


Last breath

Hold…hold that breath
Hold it longer….till death
Till your heart doesn’t race
I mean, let’s do it with grace
Our exit’s not been planned
But it could be quite grand
Slow and steady
or fast and heavy
Pick your poison pick your feast
First last meal – fully greased
There will be more
And will shake you to the core
Deep breath in….deep inhale
Hold it, they’ll not see us fail


Busted Bent & Bruised

Rattle my cage empty my gun
I’m too tired and angry to run
I’ve fought wars and lost my mind
Doubtful now, that I’ll ever unwind
Some say survivor, and I shake my head
They’ve no idea the story they’ve read
They think I’ve fought, kicked and clawed
That every speckle of life is beautifully flawed
News flash, you ready for what I’m about to say
I gave up, years ago..way back in the day
I stopped fighting stopped giving a shit
Fuck it, let’s keeps this super legit
Don’t fucking complain and bend my ear
You’ll come no where close to this level of fear
But you add your burdens piled high on my plate
And I just can’t adjust in this current state
I know what I should be doing…I care
But all your getting is an eye rolling stare
too broke for you, and you and you-
hell, too broken for me too
So, rich, lucky… Strong..
You got me all wrong
I gave up, so long ago…
That anger, madness and sadness have taken hold
Once again – i am brazenly cold
And I know you’ll all walk away
I wish it was an easy fix, that i was ok
But busted bent and bruised
As I stand here- amusingly accused


Burden’s and Beasts

I’m tired of feeling like a burden you bare

I’m angry…Im bleeding..this shit’s not fair

I didn’t ask to be in this circus’ed parade

But believe me…I hear the message conveyed

Now I’m the loose cannon, ready to fire

I can not keep up the demands you require

I’m spinning and dizzy – get out of my way

Stop with the condescending, hurtful spray

Maybe it’s me – maybe it’s you

But – FUCK – Can’t you see I’m being misused

Give me a reason – i just can’t adjust adjust

Stop pushing me face first down in the dust

Repeatedly – my life keeps stealing my soul

Bad luck like shit.. being flushed down the bowl.

I get tried, I don’t give up

Just tired of life being so fucked!!!


Time’s up

Time

When did I become so empty – So brazenly sullen and jaded

mocked by the serrated edge – repeatedly abraded

scarred from the rear view – Eyes manically averting

ebbed back into the waves of time -death persuasively  flirting

existing on another realm – All the things you can’t Ideate

Marching around beating drums – rebuking all we create

Blood dripping from the barbs – Each finger pricked

Shake my hand – time is up – Now – what did you depict?

 

 

 


Lonely Bliss

Let me tell you about my life

The one where I trip and fall on a knife

The loneliest I’ve ever been

Put me into this crazy spin

I’m going to stay under my rock

But before I do I’ll roll back the clock

I cracked I broke..

Hung myself by a rope

I need what I want and want what I need

But I can’t keep going with a steady bleed

I just needed a bit of rest…

With my life such a mess

You see… My orbit spins with a wobble

Now, No one saw me hobble

I hid it so well I’ll take that blame

But if I used a crutch you’d see the same

Blissfully blind are we all to pain

Only our own do we seen so plain

But screw it I’m done with the sun

I took a chance, roulette with a gun

I should have stay unglued.. Undone

I’m my own dark web of fun

But it was the loneliness that crept

That drove me to that depth

Remember that.. All this

When I tell you what I miss


marred

hookedheart

Shit – fuck – damn….

Seriously? A battering ram?

One hit – the whole earth shook

Get me off this fucking hook!

This whole life has been marred

Every ounce and inch – charred

But that’s just the after thought

You can’t escape the onslaught

No one person can regress

The things I could confess

But – go ahead – dig it deeper

For I do not fear the reaper!

Get me off this fucking hook

For there’s a ton you overlooked

 

 

 

 


Help me..let you

​I’m terrified Ill screw shit up. Ive lost allot of me. I am struggling to get it back. I know I was unfair..I know my head has been hijacked by every shattered piece of my history. I know I’ll meet every move forward with awkward resistance. Worried the past will repeat. I’m hoping patience and love will be shown…and forgotten I won’t be…my heart strings tug and it scares me crazy…help me…let you…Because I won’t see things like you instantly…my fear will take flight before a valid thought does process…pull me closer and calm my fear..cause my fear is all I hear…walk with me in my head and see how fucked I truly am. If you could understand one thing and retain this bit..I am scared to feel too good. It makes no sense,I know this too. But what’s common isn’t common sense. Every thought swirls and twist and thinks and flees…catching one thought one word..to sort it out..is beyond my grasp my reach..I doubt..I bleed…I scream and shout..inside my head is boxing bout. Help me…let you…love me…help me see..not everyone leaves. 


Untiltled

Fine lines smudged and smeared

Hearts hooked and speared

Caught in the crossfire of time

We are all fighting blind

Who will give up – Who will give in

Cause no one’s really ganna win

We tainted the well

Paid a penny for Hell

Our delusional coherence

Mismatched with appearance

Dismantling humanity

With words of calamity

And we sit, and blame and bite

Thinking it’s us who’s always right

We run we flee we hide from ourselves

Leaving our souls on dusty old shelves

scattered half truths

Spun from the roofs

Anger – blame and madness

Sitting in a bubble of sadness

Wrecked – Scarred and hallow

No compass to morally follow

What we don’t get – nor see

We dug the grave around our minds

And we are the ones who turned down all the blinds


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